Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
