why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
