Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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