Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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