Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
