Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
