bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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