pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
