Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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