hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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