Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
