Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
