Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
