I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
