My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
