it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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