Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
