Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
