Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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