last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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