All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
