I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
