I wish my penis had an off switch
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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