Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
