we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
