i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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