If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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