Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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