Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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