@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Even my vagina gasped.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
