Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
