yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
