hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
