We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
