I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just pee around me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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