you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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