why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
