my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
