please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
