i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
