I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
