there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
