So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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