Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
