I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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