If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
