She is in my trunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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