All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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