Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
