i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize