I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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