turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize