yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We're too hungover to prance.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
