Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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