New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
