So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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