Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
