what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
