You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
