booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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