Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
