his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
