yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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