She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
