apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
