Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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