i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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